Why Many Survivors Do Not Self-Identify

Many people take years to self-identify as victims or survivors of abuse, assault, or exploitation. If that’s where you are in your journey, that is normal, and it’s okay. It is a common way of coping in order to survive.

Sometimes it feels better to say you chose the abuse than to acknowledge that another person or many people hurt you. It can be even harder when it was someone who you loved- or still love.

To turn in on yourself, to blame yourself can sometimes feel safer than to recognize a world with the potential for such darkness. To minimize your own abuse can often feel safer than calling it out for what it is.

The journey to acknowledging whether you were a victim or survivor or whatever word resonates with you is a long one- and it is not linear. You may bounce back and forth, changing your mind one day just to change it the next, and that is also okay.

How you identify is not for anyone else to dictate but you. You deserve the power and control to name your own experience.

The fact is trauma is rarely black and white- that is the nature of the trauma bond. Abusers intentionally foster a complex relationship of positive and negative experiences that make it even harder to distinguish that the abuse was never your fault nor your choice.

But when you’re ready, it can be a liberating and beautiful part of your healing journey to acknowledge not only your pain and trauma but also your resilience.

And for those who are already there, never forget how much growth and power you have just for naming the abuse and shifting the blame from you- who had little to no other options- to those who abuse their power.